Joyful Notes

I REMEMBER…I remember being a child and having not a care in the world.  I could play outside from dawn till dark and not really be afraid of anything more than falling down and scraping my knee.  I remember being a teenager, and I was part of a wonderful youth group at church where our youth pastor provided great opportunities for both spiritual and social growth.  I remember falling in love with my someday-husband.  I remember going to a Christian college where I was trained by godly men and women for ministry.  I remember our wedding day where we had a church full of over 300 people who clearly heard the gospel and our testimonies of how God had brought us to that point in our lives and of how we planned to impact our world for Him.  I remember the many lives we were able to be a part of through our different church ministries, and I remember how those same people would also be a blessing and an encouragement to us!  I remember experiencing the joy of my first pregnancy, then the tremendous grief and heartache as we found out the precious life inside of me was gone.  Then to once again experience the joy of another pregnancy, mixed with a little anxiety, only to finally be able to hold that sweet little life we had created in our arms and to continually have her fill our lives with sunshine!  What freedoms and joys have filled my life!

I REMEMBER…I remember that day as a mother of an almost one year old.  I remember getting up to kiss my husband as he headed out the door to teach his high school English classes.  I remember getting Abby out of her crib and holding her in my arms as she drank a bottle, staring into her angel face and thinking, as I often did, about what her future might hold.  The phone rang…it was my mom.  “Are you watching the news?”  No, I hadn’t turned it on…our cable was out.  “America is under attack!”  Even as I write this, I am getting goosebumps, and my eyes are tearing up.  I remember digging our small TV with the rabbit ears out of the closet and turning it on to see both towers already on fire and people running and screaming.  I remember calling my husband on the phone, telling him of the news and I remember asking over and over…what’s going on???  What was happening?  This is America!  We don’t get attacked!  Things like this happen to OTHER countries, countries that aren’t as strong and mighty and proud as we are.  I remember watching as each tower fell, as news about the Pentagon and the crash in Pennsylvania flashed onto the screen.  I remember holding Abby tighter and tighter, praying that God would keep us safe, that he would end the horrible attacks… and I remember wondering even in those early moments of what would become one of the most horrific days in the history of our country…what would our future be like?  I remember going to the school to be with my husband and noticing that the faces of his students didn’t hold quite enough grief or worry for my liking.  Didn’t they see what was happening?  Didn’t they care about those people who had died or were trapped?  Didn’t they understand the grief of the families whose loved ones had already been lost?  No, probably not. They were young.  I remember being that young.  I remember not quite understanding at the time the impact that Desert Storm would have on our nation, on the families of the soldiers. 

I remember the different responses to the tragedy in those first few hours.  I remember the frustration and anger we felt because our pastor told us we must take our soccer and volleyball teams to play their games that night, because “that’s what the terrorists are trying to stop us from doing”.  They thought we should carry on with our business.  They apparently had no idea what a huge impact that day would have on our futures.  I remember sitting on the bench next to the head volleyball coach during the game and looking through the windows to a hallway where people from the church were streaming into the auditorium to pray for our nation, our leaders, the victims and their families, and I wondered what I was doing coaching a volleyball game when I should be spending that time with fellow Christians in prayer, not play.  I wonder if that man today regrets his decision as much as we do?

And I remember going to bed that night after kissing and hugging my daughter and singing songs to her about the love and care of God.  I remember cuddling up in the strong arms of my husband, asking once again if we would be okay.  I remember him holding me and telling me he loved me and that God loved us and that no matter what, He would always do what is best. 

I will never forget the sights, emotions, or events of that day.  I will never forget the lives that were lost, their families and friends.  I will never forget my anger at those who would do such horrendous deeds and at those who would laugh about it and claim they did it in the name of God. 

But I will also never forget that God is in control, that He loved the world so much that He gave us His only Son to pay the penalty not only for our sins, but also for the sins of those who created the terrible events of 9/11/01.  And I will never forget the goodness of God.  Though I don’t always understand His plan, I have come to the knowledge that He always loves me and He always does what is best for His glory and my good.  And as I trust in that knowledge…

I REMEMBER.

Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer is hosting a list of blogs that are remembering 9/11/01.  Please stop over to read her stories and the stories of others who are remembering.